2 Months

Wow! What a difference a month makes.
Miss Sawyer had her 2 month appointment yesterday. She is at a whopping 10 pounds 3 oz, which puts her in the 23rd percentile for weight, she's in the 63rd percentile for height and the 81st percentile for head :) She also got her shots, poor thing. She slept like a champ when we got home though.

This second month has been so fun. She is getting more smiley all the time and has started making cooing noises. This happens the most when I sing to her, which just makes me the happiest. I start singing and she starts smiling and cooing, I like to think she's singing with me.
She is right on the cusp of giggling and I can't wait for that.
She is starting to out-grow her newborn clothes and fitting into the 0-3 month size. She's getting some rolls in her thighs and some extra chins. Love it. She's also inbetween diaper sizes. The newborn size she'll pee right through, but the size 1 diapers don't stand a chance against "number 2", so that's fun.
Her sleeping schedule has been a pretty consistent 5 hour stretch at first, then another three. A couple of nights in a row she slept for 7 hours straight and I'm hoping that starts to happen more often.

This last month I went back to work. I had bad anxiety after I first had Sawyer but never really felt depressed, until I went back to work. It was a rough week. It didn't help that that week I also had my choir concert so it was a LOT of time spent away form my little girl. That was really hard for me.
I'm trying to decide if I should keep working or not, right now I'm really not wanting to work, but I also know that I need time to adjust to this new schedule, as do my bosses. I need to be able to figure this out, and once I get into the swing of things, if I still don't want to work, then I'll make that decision. I'm trying not to make it before I really give this a chance. I just miss my baby.

Yesterday I took her to her babysitter (my good friend Breah) and she had a rough morning. She slept really well that night, so she didn't want to take her morning nap. Apparently she had been fussy all morning. When I went to get her and picked her up, she calmed down. Breah said, "She's a mommy's girl" Even though I don't want her to be one of those babies that is ONLY calm if I'm holding her, I loved that she knew who I was and I was able to calm her down. I love that she knows I'm her mom. It also helps that I am the one that feeds her... but still.

This last Sunday was her blessing day (shared with her Grandma Halls' birthday). I was so excited for this. We borrowed a dress from her cousin Bo, bracelets from her cousins Mazi and Leila, and shoes from Leila. She looked so cute. It was also the first time she didn't mess with the bow I put on her. AH I love her.
When we got to church, she started getting a little fussy. Matt looked for a binky, but I didn't pack one, because she normally doesn't take them anyway. He stuck his finger in her mouth and she fell right to sleep. She slept through the blessing and the entire church meeting. She was a perfect angel. Matt gave her the most perfect blessing (That I cried the entire way through). I am so lucky to be married to such an amazing man, and I'm even happier that my daughter gets him for a daddy. It was just a perfect day. It was so strange to be the mother of the baby being blessed, but it was such an honor.

Matt and I were talking last night and saying, it's amazing how much more we love her with each new development. My heart feels like it could burst when I think about her.

The first month was so hard, we were both learning so many new things. This second month has been amazing. I feel like we are both figuring things out. What will month 3 have in store for us?

 I love the little bracelets and bow.

So glad Jennie was here this weekend.  We didn't plan to match, we're just awesome like that. Someone in my ward was talking to Jennie and said, "Oh good you're here! Oh you cut your hair" Jennie had to explain that she was not, in fact, me.



 Three generations. A Momma, her baby and her baby's baby.

 There are a LOT of men in our families, so we opted to just have Matt and the grandpas be in the circle to bless her. How I love these men.

 Matt and his best friend Ben (not to be confused with Jesus)

All the Halls that were in attendance

All of the Sanders clan that was in attendance (I didn't really make an announcement about it, I didn't want my family to feel obligated to come, so instead I just didn't give them the option :( Sorry family)

 The whole crew, (minus photographer, Ben)

 How Sawyer was through all of church. Good Paci, Daddy.

 My beautiful baby

 And this one, just because... look at that face

One Month Down

As of November 8th, we have a one month old.

This month has been a whirlwind.
I feel like I am in mother training, but training consists of handing me a baby and saying, "k, go!"

The first week that Sawyer was here was full of a whole slew of emotions. I'm not going to be one of those moms that claims that everything was perfect and my life was finally complete, because I was a mess. It was the hardest week of my life. There would be nights that Matt would get home from work while Sawyer was in her nightly sob sesh and I would just cry. I felt guilty that after a long day of work he came home to crying, both child and wife. I wanted him to be able to come home and chill out not deal with drama. Thankfully my parents were in town and could take the baby some of these times.
I will admit that most of the time during that first week was spent wishing time would pass faster, followed by guilt for thinking that. I loved this little girl, but newborns are hard.
After that first week, things started to come together. I think a big part of that was my hormones were starting to level out so, even though not much had changed, I wasn't as big of a nut case.
In the last month I have spent more time on google than probably ever in my life.
- How much should newborns sleep?
- How many diapers should I be changing a day?
- Post Partum Depression vs Baby Blues
- How do I know if my baby is colicky
- How long does colick last?
- What can you do to get rid of colick?
and SO many others.
The other three weeks of the month went by pretty fast. Every day I felt like baby girl and I were growing and learning and taking strides. It has been fun to see her change and figure things out. About a week ago she spent a good minute just staring at her hand in wonder. I love being able to watch her figure out the world around her. Everything is new to her, everything is to be discovered and I get to be a part of her discovering the world. She has started smiling when she's awake. It doesn't happen often, usually in the mornings, but when it does happen my whole world just lights up.

As for stats, she had her one month dr appointment last week. She started out at 7 lbs 15 oz, and in the first week got down to 7.1. When we went to the appointment last week she was at 8.1. She went from the 37th percentile to the 20th. The Dr. suggested I supplement with formula to get her weight up.
She is up to 21.25 inches from 19.5, going from the 32nd percentile to the 65th.
The doctor said everything else looked perfect. It was my first time taking her alone, the other times I had my mom with me. Thankfully, this time she barely cried, even when the dr was examining her, she took it like a champ. I was a proud momma.
Right now we are working on her taking a bottle and sleeping somewhere other than in my arms. It has been a hard week. After a lot of trial and error I learned that she will only take a bottle if I sneak it in while nursing. She has to be calm and she'll take it, if she's upset at all, it's a lost cause.
I give her a couple ounces at night after I nurse and since doing that her sleeping has gotten a lot better. 3-4 hour stretches instead of the 1.5-3 she was doing before.
In the last two days I've gotten her to take naps in her bassinet and her crib. They haven't been as long as when she'd sleep in my arms, but it's a start. I tried to get her to sleep in the bassinet last night, but it wasn't happening. Matt thinks she just knows that night time means sleeping with Momma, so it'll take some time to wean her off that.
It's crazy to think that tomorrow it will be 5 weeks since I had her, and that NEXT week I go back to work. 6 weeks seemed like forever away when I first had her. 6 weeks until I could workout, 6 weeks until I should be healed, 6 weeks until I go back to work. I remember wondering what kind of a baby she'd be by 6 weeks, and now I'm almost there.
As hard as this month has been, and as difficult of a baby as Sawyer can be, it wasn't until this past Sunday when we were at dinner with Matt's parents that I realized how far we have actually come.
In the first couple of weeks, nights were so hard. Sometimes she'd cry in the middle of the night for 3-4 hours. She wouldn't eat and there was no consoling her. That hasn't happened for a while. I think she has learned the difference between night and day. She's awake for a good portion of the day, maybe getting one good 2-3 hour nap and then a few that are 30 minutes to an hour, but at night she'll eat, fall asleep, wake up in a couple of hours, I change her diaper, she eats and falls back to sleep. Last night she slept from 10:30-1:45, then from 2:30-6:30 then from 7-9:30. I actually feel pretty rested. Thank heavens for formula.
She does cry a lot during the day, but in the moments where she's awake and alert and just taking in the world I am just in awe of her. I love to just watch her. Her eyes get so wide and she makes the funniest faces. Matt and I will just watch her and chuckle at the sounds she makes (from all ends) and the faces she pulls.
Every morning I wake up and I'm even more in love with her than the day before. No matter how hard things can be, that one quick smile in the morning cures it all.

I'm so looking forward to seeing how she grows in this next month. Hearing her first giggles and seeing how she changes. For now, I'm just taking it one day at a time.

I feel like this post has been kind of a downer. I don't want to candy coat it and pretend that it's been all lovey dovey and perfect because it hasn't been. It has been hard, BUT I love this little girl and I love being her mom. I wouldn't trade this time to have the simplicity of not having a child. I get so excited by the little things she does. I'm trying to live in the now, but I can't help but wonder what kind of a toddler she'll be, what kind of a kid and teenager and adult. I am so excited to watch her become who she is going to be.
I'm loving watching her change day by day. I love looking into her big blue eyes and having her look back at me and knowing that she knows I'm her mom. What a privilege it is to be her mom.

Sawyer likes:
Sleeping with Momma
Nursing
Being held in the cuddle wrap (but only after being in her dreaded car seat)
Music
sleeping on her belly

Sawyer does NOT like:
Baths
having her clothes changed
bottles
binkies
being in her car seat
not being held
being on her back

 Day One

 Going home from the hospital

 That first week, this was the only way she would sleep.

 Love that little tush

 Her eyes are less crossed every day. This picture kills me.

 Crossed again

 Newborn photo shoot on 10/31

First time sleeping in the bassinet.

And one from today, I call this one "Pooping face"

Sawyer's Delivery Story

Trying to find the time to write this was a challenge, but I wanted to make sure I got it down before I forgot all the details.

Wednesday October 7th, after about 17 hours of waiting I got a call from Banner Gateway Hospital at about 8:00 pm telling me that they finally had an opening for my induction. I was supposed to go in at 3 am, but they were so busy all day and kept telling me to call back.
Around 4  pm they told me to just wait for their call.
I had given up on it being that day. We had Ben and Breann over and we were all just hanging out when I got the call.
The hospital told me to eat something and take a shower or whatever and they would expect me around 9-9:30.
We got all checked in and I was in the bed by about 10:00. They hooked me up to the pitocen around 11. The contractions started right away. They weren't painful, just tightening in my belly.
My dad and Matt fell asleep almost immediately as my mom sat on the bed with me and rubbed my legs. I was fine with them sleeping because I knew it wouldn't last long. My mom lasted until about 2 am.
Around 4 am the contractions started getting serious. I text my doula and told her it was time, and told Matt it was probably time to stay awake.
Holy cow contractions are painful. From about 4 to 7 I was having them about every two minutes apart. After a couple of hours I was telling Matt and my doula that I didn't want to do it anymore. I wanted drugs. Some tears had been shed and I knew it was only going to get worse. They kept telling me I could do it and my doula (Marlo) told me I was tensing my body too much, she said, "If you need to vocalize your contractions do that, but tensing your body will slow the process down." So I started yelling. After I started yelling through the contractions I never mentioned needing an epidural again.
The strangest part was when my contractions would start I would start convulsing like crazy. My whole body would shake uncontrollably until the contraction passed. That lasted the entire labor.
At about 7 AM my doctor came in and broke my water. Then things got serious. My word I've never been in so much pain. I would have given anything to have the contractions I felt before that part. My dad told me there was a noticeable difference between the yelling before my water broke and the yelling after. He said it went from yelling to get through it to yelling out of excruciating pain.
The funny thing is, about a week before I was talking to some of Matt's family saying I didn't understand why people screamed throughout labor. I felt like it was an attention thing. I said, "I just don't see myself being like that" BOY did I eat my words. I was humiliatingly loud. I would hear the nurses outside, just talking and thought, "Man, I know everyone on this floor can hear me." I also remembered talking to Lauren Kirton after she had her first daughter. She had her at home and she said, "If someone had walked passed the house and heard that yelling, they would have known exactly what was going on, because there is only one thing that would make a human make those sounds" To her I say, AMEN! I understand now.
I don't know the timelines for the rest of it, but I remember them coming to check me each time. I was at 7 cm and I told myself, "you can go from a 7 to a 10 really fast, I can do this". I had a conversation with a friend of mine who went natural with her second child and she told me that once you get to the point of pushing, it's like a relief, so that's what I was shooting for. In 3 more centimeters I could start pushing.
I kept telling them to call the nurses in to check me again, I had to be at like a 9 now. They came in like an hour later and I was at an 8. Ok... you can go from an 8 to a 10 really fast.
They told me I could get in the shower if I wanted, that the warm water can help ease the contractions. So I got up and was walking to the shower and had THE WORST contraction. Matt was in front of me holding me up and I just wanted it to be over.
We went into the shower and I sat on a chair with the warm water going over me. That did help the contractions be further apart, but the contractions that I had in that shower were probably the most painful ones. I wanted to get out of the shower, but I knew standing up would cause another one.
Thankfully I made it to the bed before the next one hit. They had my lay on my side to see if that would help, it didn't really. There was nothing that could be done to ease that kind of pain, and the screaming continued.
They came in and checked me again and told me I was at a 9 and asked if I felt like I had to push. I didn't really, but I wanted to be done so I said "YES!" They told me to go ahead and push and I just felt like nothing was happening.
The nurses told me they wanted me to be at a 10 before I pushed again and said that I needed to go through 5 more contractions.
That felt like Everest to me. After each contraction I wished they would tell me to go ahead and push again, but no.
After the 5th contraction I HAD to push, that time there was no stopping me. I told the nurses and they said, "OK go ahead and push" So I pushed and again felt like nothing was happening, and I will tell you what it was NO relief.
The nurses told me my doctor was on his way, that he was about 2 minutes out and they wanted me to wait to push. I told them that wasn't possible, so they told me to go ahead and keep pushing.
I had my eyes closed for probably about 4 hours and I opened them and there were about 6 extra people in my room. Apparently all the nurses knew who I was (probably because I called like 73 times, and you know... the yelling my guts out) and when it was my turn they all wanted to be in there.
Finally my doctor arrived got all geared up and was ready with enough time to turn around and catch her.
Little lady had her arm up by her face and that's what made pushing so difficult.
I pushed for about 15 minutes and she came out. THAT was the relief. My parents, Matt and I were all sobbing. I could not believe she was here. I could not believe how perfect she was. I could NOT believe I did it.
She was the most perfect thing I had ever seen and Matt and I made her. I also kept saying, "I'm done! I'M DONE! I did it! It's over! I'm NEVER doing that again!!!"
They let me hold her for a while, then they took her and weighed her, 7 lbs 15 oz, 20 inches long, born at 11:05 am.
My mom had been texting my sister updates the whole time and right before I was pushing she said, "Jennie wants to FaceTime" I believe my response was "NO FREAKIN WAY!!!" I kind of feel bad because I had invited her to be there at the delivery and couldn't make it, so what was the difference, but all could think about was how much I was screaming and that I didn't want her kids to hear that or anything.
The good thing about that is my mom was able to get video of Sawyer being born (from my shoulders, very PG) and that is something Matt and I will treasure forever.
It's been over 2 weeks now and looking back on the experience I'm not sure going natural was worth it, but my goodness SHE was worth it.
People keep telling me that once time passes I'll forget about how terrible it was and may consider going natural again, to them I say, No freakin way! I did it, and I'm proud of myself, but I'll go ahead and check that off my list and will never do it again. Also, my mom and sister wouldn't hear of it. They were both DYING that I wasn't getting the meds. They could NOT handle knowing how much pain I was in.
This was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. One reason I wanted to go natural, the main reason, is because I liked the idea of the most difficult moment of my life being followed by the most amazing moment of my life. I don't think having an epidural takes away from that moment at all, but I wanted to feel that relief of pain followed by complete and total amazement, and I got that.
I also just want to add how grateful I am for Matt. He never once left my side and HE got me through it. The moment she was born was our moment. My love for him has grown so much over the last couple of weeks. Every time I look at our daughter I love him more.

9 Months Later

Tonight is the last night I have hope of getting any sleep before this little one arrives. And from AAAAAALLLLLLLLL the advice I've been given, probably the last night I can hope to get sleep for the near future.
It's one thing to know she could come any time. If she came on her own I would just go into labor. I would go from normal life to counting contractions and having the "this is it" thoughts and then go to the hospital. I imagine the adrenaline would be pumping and you would just be experiencing things as they happen. It's quite another thing to have it scheduled. To have time to think about it and imagine it and know that in 28 hours (assuming she doesn't actually come on her own before then) I will be heading to the hospital to willingly go through the most pain I will have ever experienced in my life, and for HOURS!!!
For the last 8 months and 2 days, since I found out I was pregnant, I have been thinking about what this will be like, but it was always something that was going to happen... later.
I know now how my body handles pregnancy. I know what our first child will be, and what her name is. I know what heartburn feels like and am so thrilled to know that it stops immediately. I know that just because I was once 100 pounds heavier it doesn't mean I'll gain the weight back. I know what it feels like to have a life move inside of me. I know what people mean when they say that "everyone has an opinion about your pregnancy" I know that one way more than I'd like. I know what it feels like to go past your due date and wonder "Is she ever going to come?"
I know all the pregnancy things, and now my time of being pregnant is over.
I don't know what my "delivery story" will be. I don't know how I'm going to handle not having an epidural. I don't know how long of a labor it will be. I don't know how much she'll weigh, or how long she is. I don't know what it will be like to see Matt hold her for the first time. The next part is a mystery that will be solved in the next 48 hours.
At some point in the next two days I will know my story, I will hold my daughter for the first time, I will watch my husband transform into a daddy.
In two days Sawyer Mae Halls will be here.  Matt and I created a life and that life will be out in the world in two days.
Now I'm going to try to sleep, because it ain't happening tomorrow.

Time Hop

So I have this app on my phone, as do many others, called Time Hop. Every morning I look at it, and it brings up posts from the last 6 years. Pictures I've taken, Facebook/Instagram posts. It's always fun to look back and see what was happening in that day over the years.

This morning I pulled up a post that really overwhelmed me.

This is a picture of my sister with  her oldest son, Jace. He was just a few weeks away from being baptized. Ironically, his birthday is the same as my due date (I've always liked to do everything Jennie does).
I remember exactly how I felt when I posted this picture two years ago. I was sobbing. I looked at this picture and I saw the way Jace looked at Jennie. She is the most important woman in his life. She is his mother. The love on their faces feels practically tangible. I was sobbing thinking, "Will anyone ever look at me that way?"

I was single for the unforeseeable future. I didn't know what cards were in my deck and as much as I wanted that card, I didn't know if I'd get it. In that moment I was very alone.

I loved my nieces and nephews and they loved me, but they would never look at me like he is looking at her.

I have thought about that night so many times since then. It was a Thursday and I felt so hopeless. I had no idea that the following Monday, September 30th, I would see the father of my daughter for the first time. Two years later I'm sitting here, typing on my computer feeling my baby move inside me. Just days away from meeting my child. The one who will look at me the way Jace looks at Jennie.

I am overwhelmed. I am so scared to be a mom, to be capable of earning that look. I am so excited to meet my newest best friend and can't wait to be the mom in all of her milestones.

Most of the time that app just reminds me of silly things I've said, or blonde moments I've had. Today it reminded me that I am so very, very blessed.

Dreams

First my 38 week update.
At my appointment on the 8th, my doctor told me I was dilated to a 2 and 70% effaced. He told me his best guess would be that I would go into labor in the next 10-14 days. (He also said I could go another 4 weeks, but that was his guess)
That night I freaked out a bit. I thought I had another 3.5 weeks to get things in order and now that time had been cut in half. I knew it wasn't certain, but that I needed to be prepared. We got the car seat set up. I got my work-from-home stuff all taken care of (including Matt building me a desk and making an office for me) and the dreams started. Not dreams about having a baby, but dreams about getting work stuff all settled.
At my appointment last week, I hadn't progressed hardly at all, so the 10-14 days began again. At first I was frustrated. I was totally fine waiting until my due date and even after, as is typical for a first child, but now I had this time frame that I was becoming settled on. Realizing that that wasn't likely going to happen was disappointing.
Right now I am at day 13 of that original appointment and my next appointment is on Thursday.
I'm officially due next week, which is so weird to say.
I am now getting back into the mindset that it probably won't happen before my due date. I just don't FEEL like I'm right on the cusp. I feel fine. In fact someone at work told me they didn't think I was going to go into labor soon because, "I just look too good" she said, "You have to have ONE ugly day". That was an ego boost. Honestly, that's how I feel. I feel good. I feel like I should feel worse right before I deliver so I don't think it's going to happen this week. Maybe next.
I've had so many friends that are pregnant with their first and I've just been marking them off as my day gets closer. The last friend that was due before me had her baby on Sunday morning.

That brings me to my original topic.
My whole life I have had very detailed dreams. Whether they are good or bad they are VERY detailed. They could be movies. I remember when I lived in Hawaii with my best friend Bree almost every morning she'd wake up and ask me what I dreamt about. Matt used to do the same thing when we were first married.
Of the dreams that I've had there have been a few that were/are very special to me and I don't think they are "just dreams". I've also had some dreams that have come true and that is what I wanted to talk about today.
I remember having a dream one time of my brother Nolan holding a baby on his lap. He and his wife didn't have any children at the time. I called him the next morning and said, "Are you guys having a baby?" He laughed and said, "not that I know of" and then I told him about my dream. No thinking anything of it really. A couple of months later, the day before Christmas Eve I had another dream. That they announced they were pregnant Christmas morning, that they were pregnant the first time I called them, but they wanted it to be a surprise. When they got into town that night I told them and we all laughed it off. Christmas morning, they announced they were pregnant, and told me they found out that first day I called them.

Last month right before Matt and I left for Utah for my baby shower I had a dream about my friend Kelly. She and I had been playing phone tag (in real life) for days and in the dream she was announcing, via facebook, that she was pregnant. I was so mad because I figured that's why she was trying to call me in the first place and I was bummed that we never got a hold of each other and that this was how I was finding out. That Saturday at my baby shower she told me she was pregnant.

Lastly, my last friend that is due before me was due this coming Wednesday. Her doctor also told her that she'd be early so I've been watching, not so patiently, keeping tabs on how she was. Every day she didn't deliver made me feel like I had longer to wait.
Friday night I had a dream just of her posting a picture holding her baby in the hospital. You know, that first "baby and me" picture.
As soon as I woke up I told Matt about it, in case she did go into labor.
That night they posted a picture of her at the hospital with the caption "it's go time" and their sweet baby boy was born the next morning.

Apparently there is a theme with the dreams that actually come true, they are about people's babies. Now, if only I could have a dream about having mine, that'd be swell.

Getting prepared for baby. The watermelon made it home safe and sound.

Dear Baby Girl

We have officially less than one month until you are due to arrive. Your poppa and I are SO excited. We got your room all ready and each morning before I head downstairs to go to work I stop in your room and just look around, imagining what it's going to look like once you arrive.
Right now the crib is brand new, all your clothes (except the ones from your cousin Leila [which is most of them]) have never been worn. The changing table has never been pooped on. Everything is just waiting for you to come.
Let me tell you a little about our time together. You are a strong little nugget. You kick and turn and roll over so much that I believe you may have bruised my innerds. You already have a schedule. Throughout the day you are most active right before I get out of bed in the morning, in the early afternoon (probably because I had just eaten), when I'm driving home from work and when I lay down to go to bed. When I'm going to bed is when you really start your acrobatics.
Every night, daddy and I say prayers together. I am laying in bed and he'll kneel down next to me so his face is right by my belly. When he starts to pray you go nuts. I think that is why you get so active at night, you're trying to show off for Daddy. I love that you recognize his voice. He loves you so much. You also move a lot when I'm singing, which just melts my heart. It does make it a little difficult to hold notes or get a good breath, but I don't care. It's my favorite. I can't wait to rock with you and sing to you.
Your Granny and Grandpa Sanders are coming to Arizona this month so they can be here when you arrive. Your Aunt Jennie will be coming right after your due date. I can't believe we are already so close. Not knowing when you'll be showing up is driving me a little batty. It could be any day now or you could come next month. Every little thing that happens in my body gives me a twinge of hope that it means you are coming.
You have already changed our lives so much. What did we talk about before we knew about you?

I know there will soon be a day when I'll look back on this time and think "it was over in the blink of an eye" I'll think it all went by so fast. Right now all I can do is imagine, and I imagine all the time.

Your Grandpa Sanders sent me this poem last week and I tear up whenever I read it:

Mommy can you feel me? I'm wiggling for you. I hear you say you love me. Mom, I love you too.
Very soon you'll meet me, and kiss my little face. I will feel your warm skin, and admire you for your grace.
Mommy, are you ready? My life is just about to start. I will hold your little finger, but you will hold my heart.

Love

Love is an incredible phenomenon.
When I was born, I was instantly being shown what it is to love. My parents and my siblings were showing me every day. I was bonded to them and I was loving them back at full capacity.
As I grew and made friends and started to find my place in my family that love grew, and once again I was loving as much as I possibly could, or knew how to. I was also being loved as much as I possibly could at the time.
As you grow older that love grows with you. It's amazing that you can do something to the absolute max and somehow it's always able to grow.
When I got married my ability to love and be loved grew. It often surprised me to think of how much I loved this new person in my life, and in such a different way than I had ever loved before. I loved my family and friends as much as I could but now I loved someone more and in a different way.
When we found out we were having a baby, miraculously, that love grew even more. There was this little thing in me that I didn't know, could barely imagine, but I loved it. I loved it more than I had ever loved anything before.
When I started to feel her move, you guessed it, love. Deep love. We found out it was a girl and she started to become someone to us and again...
We are less than 6 weeks away from our due date and I am so overwhelmed by this little human inside me. I know the love I feel for her now will pale in comparison to how I feel in a few weeks and the following years.

The humbling thing is, I was taught how to love first by my parents. I was taught VERY well. I have had people in my life that have loved me for my entire life. I am very aware of how lucky I am to have been surrounded by the people that I have been surrounded by.
It is now my turn to teach someone how to love. To show someone what it means to love. Matt and I will be her very first example of this amazing gift. Our ability to love her will be how she learns to love others.

"The greatest gift you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return"

33 week update

I wanted to wait and post until after I had showers and what not and so here we are.

Right now I am 33 weeks and 2 days along. Baby girl is 4.5 pounds and about 19 inches long. Now when she is awake she really lets me know it. She moves so much and is so strong that it actually makes me either gasp or groan. If she is active when I lay down to go to bed, I know I won't be sleeping any time soon.

First weekend in August Matt and I drove to Utah for our first baby shower. My mom, sister and Aunt Pam threw such a FUN shower for Baby Girl and me. It was a "Ready to Pop" theme and all day Saturday my sister was making different kinds of pop corn. We had, peanut butter, snickerdoodle, lemon head, muddy buddy and one other that I can't think of. They were all so yummy.

My aunt hosted and had a delicious mexican feast all set up for us. So many friends and family came. It was so fun to see so many people I don't get to see that often anymore. We played some fun games and of course opened presents. This little lady of mine was spoiled. We got a lot of clothes, diapers, butt cream and baby wash/lotion. I feel like we'll never need to buy any more of that stuff, but I'm sure we'll run out in no time. In addition to all those goods, my sister sent us home with two giant bags filled with clothes from Leila. Those two bags only cover up to 6 months. We definitely don't need to shop for her, that's for sure.

 Leila wanted to help me open the presents :) I was happy to let her.

 

 The prizes for the game winners

The popcorn!

It was so fun to be home with my family. I always love to go home with Matt and get some quality Sanders time in. Friday night we all (adults) went to Asian Star for dinner (a defnite fave) that night we played some games with Jennie, Brock and my parents, since we were all staying at Jennie's house.

Sunday we all got together again for family dinner with all the littles as well. It was so nice to be home. It's so crazy to think that the next time I see my family I will have a little baby with me. It's so exciting.

The one thing people kept asking me all weekend was, "Are you so ready to be done being pregnant?" I would say, "NO! I've been fine. I am totally confident in my ability to take care of this child while she is inside me" I was also not too uncomfortable or anything either, so that weekend, I was fine still being preggo. Amazing what can change in 2 weeks.

The next weekend was the Halls family shower.
I wish I would have gotten more pictures. They really went all out for us. This little lady is so lucky to be born into these families.
I have to say, I have a very talented family. I have a niece painting us a picture for the baby's room, she also drew a little "thumb print tree" for everyone to stamp their thumb prints on. I have a sister in law who made us a beautiful quilt that will adorn the crib. Another sister-in-law made us this cute pennant banner spelling out baby girl's name and ANOTHER sister in law (I still am unsure if she made it) brought us a sign that says, "She leaves a little Sparkle everywhere she goes"

Once again, we had delicious food, fun games and amazing gifts. All the Halls ladies went in on a CRIB, sheets, diaper bag and other goodies for us, and we are SO GRATEFUL!

One of my favorite things that we got are the "late night diapers".
Everyone wrote messages on the diapers so that when I go in for those late night changes I can have a little chuckle. Such a cute idea.

 Late Nigh Diapers

 

This Friday I have one more baby shower that my work is hosting for me. I am such a lucky girl to have so many wonderful people in my life.

We only have a few more items we NEED before baby comes (car seat... diaper changing station...) and the more ready we are to bring her home, the more ready I am to be done being pregnant.
I have definitely entered the uncomfortable stage of pregnancy and I know it will get worse before it gets better. It doesn't help that we are hitting record breaking temps (117 last friday). My sleep is increasingly more uncomfortable and my belly is just plain increasing. I'm ready to be active again and to not waddle when I walk.

Yesterday we put the crib together and I finally went through the 0-3 month bag of clothes Jennie gave us. I can't believe this is all for our daughter and that we will have her in less than 2 months.

Keep cooking, Little One, we are sure getting excited to meet you!

EEEEEP! Little peep toes!