This month has been a whirlwind.
I feel like I am in mother training, but training consists of handing me a baby and saying, "k, go!"
The first week that Sawyer was here was full of a whole slew of emotions. I'm not going to be one of those moms that claims that everything was perfect and my life was finally complete, because I was a mess. It was the hardest week of my life. There would be nights that Matt would get home from work while Sawyer was in her nightly sob sesh and I would just cry. I felt guilty that after a long day of work he came home to crying, both child and wife. I wanted him to be able to come home and chill out not deal with drama. Thankfully my parents were in town and could take the baby some of these times.
I will admit that most of the time during that first week was spent wishing time would pass faster, followed by guilt for thinking that. I loved this little girl, but newborns are hard.
After that first week, things started to come together. I think a big part of that was my hormones were starting to level out so, even though not much had changed, I wasn't as big of a nut case.
In the last month I have spent more time on google than probably ever in my life.
- How much should newborns sleep?
- How many diapers should I be changing a day?
- Post Partum Depression vs Baby Blues
- How do I know if my baby is colicky
- How long does colick last?
- What can you do to get rid of colick?
and SO many others.
The other three weeks of the month went by pretty fast. Every day I felt like baby girl and I were growing and learning and taking strides. It has been fun to see her change and figure things out. About a week ago she spent a good minute just staring at her hand in wonder. I love being able to watch her figure out the world around her. Everything is new to her, everything is to be discovered and I get to be a part of her discovering the world. She has started smiling when she's awake. It doesn't happen often, usually in the mornings, but when it does happen my whole world just lights up.
As for stats, she had her one month dr appointment last week. She started out at 7 lbs 15 oz, and in the first week got down to 7.1. When we went to the appointment last week she was at 8.1. She went from the 37th percentile to the 20th. The Dr. suggested I supplement with formula to get her weight up.
She is up to 21.25 inches from 19.5, going from the 32nd percentile to the 65th.
The doctor said everything else looked perfect. It was my first time taking her alone, the other times I had my mom with me. Thankfully, this time she barely cried, even when the dr was examining her, she took it like a champ. I was a proud momma.
Right now we are working on her taking a bottle and sleeping somewhere other than in my arms. It has been a hard week. After a lot of trial and error I learned that she will only take a bottle if I sneak it in while nursing. She has to be calm and she'll take it, if she's upset at all, it's a lost cause.
I give her a couple ounces at night after I nurse and since doing that her sleeping has gotten a lot better. 3-4 hour stretches instead of the 1.5-3 she was doing before.
In the last two days I've gotten her to take naps in her bassinet and her crib. They haven't been as long as when she'd sleep in my arms, but it's a start. I tried to get her to sleep in the bassinet last night, but it wasn't happening. Matt thinks she just knows that night time means sleeping with Momma, so it'll take some time to wean her off that.
It's crazy to think that tomorrow it will be 5 weeks since I had her, and that NEXT week I go back to work. 6 weeks seemed like forever away when I first had her. 6 weeks until I could workout, 6 weeks until I should be healed, 6 weeks until I go back to work. I remember wondering what kind of a baby she'd be by 6 weeks, and now I'm almost there.
As hard as this month has been, and as difficult of a baby as Sawyer can be, it wasn't until this past Sunday when we were at dinner with Matt's parents that I realized how far we have actually come.
In the first couple of weeks, nights were so hard. Sometimes she'd cry in the middle of the night for 3-4 hours. She wouldn't eat and there was no consoling her. That hasn't happened for a while. I think she has learned the difference between night and day. She's awake for a good portion of the day, maybe getting one good 2-3 hour nap and then a few that are 30 minutes to an hour, but at night she'll eat, fall asleep, wake up in a couple of hours, I change her diaper, she eats and falls back to sleep. Last night she slept from 10:30-1:45, then from 2:30-6:30 then from 7-9:30. I actually feel pretty rested. Thank heavens for formula.
She does cry a lot during the day, but in the moments where she's awake and alert and just taking in the world I am just in awe of her. I love to just watch her. Her eyes get so wide and she makes the funniest faces. Matt and I will just watch her and chuckle at the sounds she makes (from all ends) and the faces she pulls.
Every morning I wake up and I'm even more in love with her than the day before. No matter how hard things can be, that one quick smile in the morning cures it all.
I'm so looking forward to seeing how she grows in this next month. Hearing her first giggles and seeing how she changes. For now, I'm just taking it one day at a time.
I feel like this post has been kind of a downer. I don't want to candy coat it and pretend that it's been all lovey dovey and perfect because it hasn't been. It has been hard, BUT I love this little girl and I love being her mom. I wouldn't trade this time to have the simplicity of not having a child. I get so excited by the little things she does. I'm trying to live in the now, but I can't help but wonder what kind of a toddler she'll be, what kind of a kid and teenager and adult. I am so excited to watch her become who she is going to be.
I'm loving watching her change day by day. I love looking into her big blue eyes and having her look back at me and knowing that she knows I'm her mom. What a privilege it is to be her mom.
Sawyer likes:
Sleeping with Momma
Nursing
Being held in the cuddle wrap (but only after being in her dreaded car seat)
Music
sleeping on her belly
Sawyer does NOT like:
Baths
having her clothes changed
bottles
binkies
being in her car seat
not being held
being on her back
Day One
Going home from the hospital
That first week, this was the only way she would sleep.
Love that little tush
Her eyes are less crossed every day. This picture kills me.
Crossed again
Newborn photo shoot on 10/31
First time sleeping in the bassinet.
And one from today, I call this one "Pooping face"
