Sawyer's Delivery Story

Trying to find the time to write this was a challenge, but I wanted to make sure I got it down before I forgot all the details.

Wednesday October 7th, after about 17 hours of waiting I got a call from Banner Gateway Hospital at about 8:00 pm telling me that they finally had an opening for my induction. I was supposed to go in at 3 am, but they were so busy all day and kept telling me to call back.
Around 4  pm they told me to just wait for their call.
I had given up on it being that day. We had Ben and Breann over and we were all just hanging out when I got the call.
The hospital told me to eat something and take a shower or whatever and they would expect me around 9-9:30.
We got all checked in and I was in the bed by about 10:00. They hooked me up to the pitocen around 11. The contractions started right away. They weren't painful, just tightening in my belly.
My dad and Matt fell asleep almost immediately as my mom sat on the bed with me and rubbed my legs. I was fine with them sleeping because I knew it wouldn't last long. My mom lasted until about 2 am.
Around 4 am the contractions started getting serious. I text my doula and told her it was time, and told Matt it was probably time to stay awake.
Holy cow contractions are painful. From about 4 to 7 I was having them about every two minutes apart. After a couple of hours I was telling Matt and my doula that I didn't want to do it anymore. I wanted drugs. Some tears had been shed and I knew it was only going to get worse. They kept telling me I could do it and my doula (Marlo) told me I was tensing my body too much, she said, "If you need to vocalize your contractions do that, but tensing your body will slow the process down." So I started yelling. After I started yelling through the contractions I never mentioned needing an epidural again.
The strangest part was when my contractions would start I would start convulsing like crazy. My whole body would shake uncontrollably until the contraction passed. That lasted the entire labor.
At about 7 AM my doctor came in and broke my water. Then things got serious. My word I've never been in so much pain. I would have given anything to have the contractions I felt before that part. My dad told me there was a noticeable difference between the yelling before my water broke and the yelling after. He said it went from yelling to get through it to yelling out of excruciating pain.
The funny thing is, about a week before I was talking to some of Matt's family saying I didn't understand why people screamed throughout labor. I felt like it was an attention thing. I said, "I just don't see myself being like that" BOY did I eat my words. I was humiliatingly loud. I would hear the nurses outside, just talking and thought, "Man, I know everyone on this floor can hear me." I also remembered talking to Lauren Kirton after she had her first daughter. She had her at home and she said, "If someone had walked passed the house and heard that yelling, they would have known exactly what was going on, because there is only one thing that would make a human make those sounds" To her I say, AMEN! I understand now.
I don't know the timelines for the rest of it, but I remember them coming to check me each time. I was at 7 cm and I told myself, "you can go from a 7 to a 10 really fast, I can do this". I had a conversation with a friend of mine who went natural with her second child and she told me that once you get to the point of pushing, it's like a relief, so that's what I was shooting for. In 3 more centimeters I could start pushing.
I kept telling them to call the nurses in to check me again, I had to be at like a 9 now. They came in like an hour later and I was at an 8. Ok... you can go from an 8 to a 10 really fast.
They told me I could get in the shower if I wanted, that the warm water can help ease the contractions. So I got up and was walking to the shower and had THE WORST contraction. Matt was in front of me holding me up and I just wanted it to be over.
We went into the shower and I sat on a chair with the warm water going over me. That did help the contractions be further apart, but the contractions that I had in that shower were probably the most painful ones. I wanted to get out of the shower, but I knew standing up would cause another one.
Thankfully I made it to the bed before the next one hit. They had my lay on my side to see if that would help, it didn't really. There was nothing that could be done to ease that kind of pain, and the screaming continued.
They came in and checked me again and told me I was at a 9 and asked if I felt like I had to push. I didn't really, but I wanted to be done so I said "YES!" They told me to go ahead and push and I just felt like nothing was happening.
The nurses told me they wanted me to be at a 10 before I pushed again and said that I needed to go through 5 more contractions.
That felt like Everest to me. After each contraction I wished they would tell me to go ahead and push again, but no.
After the 5th contraction I HAD to push, that time there was no stopping me. I told the nurses and they said, "OK go ahead and push" So I pushed and again felt like nothing was happening, and I will tell you what it was NO relief.
The nurses told me my doctor was on his way, that he was about 2 minutes out and they wanted me to wait to push. I told them that wasn't possible, so they told me to go ahead and keep pushing.
I had my eyes closed for probably about 4 hours and I opened them and there were about 6 extra people in my room. Apparently all the nurses knew who I was (probably because I called like 73 times, and you know... the yelling my guts out) and when it was my turn they all wanted to be in there.
Finally my doctor arrived got all geared up and was ready with enough time to turn around and catch her.
Little lady had her arm up by her face and that's what made pushing so difficult.
I pushed for about 15 minutes and she came out. THAT was the relief. My parents, Matt and I were all sobbing. I could not believe she was here. I could not believe how perfect she was. I could NOT believe I did it.
She was the most perfect thing I had ever seen and Matt and I made her. I also kept saying, "I'm done! I'M DONE! I did it! It's over! I'm NEVER doing that again!!!"
They let me hold her for a while, then they took her and weighed her, 7 lbs 15 oz, 20 inches long, born at 11:05 am.
My mom had been texting my sister updates the whole time and right before I was pushing she said, "Jennie wants to FaceTime" I believe my response was "NO FREAKIN WAY!!!" I kind of feel bad because I had invited her to be there at the delivery and couldn't make it, so what was the difference, but all could think about was how much I was screaming and that I didn't want her kids to hear that or anything.
The good thing about that is my mom was able to get video of Sawyer being born (from my shoulders, very PG) and that is something Matt and I will treasure forever.
It's been over 2 weeks now and looking back on the experience I'm not sure going natural was worth it, but my goodness SHE was worth it.
People keep telling me that once time passes I'll forget about how terrible it was and may consider going natural again, to them I say, No freakin way! I did it, and I'm proud of myself, but I'll go ahead and check that off my list and will never do it again. Also, my mom and sister wouldn't hear of it. They were both DYING that I wasn't getting the meds. They could NOT handle knowing how much pain I was in.
This was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. One reason I wanted to go natural, the main reason, is because I liked the idea of the most difficult moment of my life being followed by the most amazing moment of my life. I don't think having an epidural takes away from that moment at all, but I wanted to feel that relief of pain followed by complete and total amazement, and I got that.
I also just want to add how grateful I am for Matt. He never once left my side and HE got me through it. The moment she was born was our moment. My love for him has grown so much over the last couple of weeks. Every time I look at our daughter I love him more.

9 Months Later

Tonight is the last night I have hope of getting any sleep before this little one arrives. And from AAAAAALLLLLLLLL the advice I've been given, probably the last night I can hope to get sleep for the near future.
It's one thing to know she could come any time. If she came on her own I would just go into labor. I would go from normal life to counting contractions and having the "this is it" thoughts and then go to the hospital. I imagine the adrenaline would be pumping and you would just be experiencing things as they happen. It's quite another thing to have it scheduled. To have time to think about it and imagine it and know that in 28 hours (assuming she doesn't actually come on her own before then) I will be heading to the hospital to willingly go through the most pain I will have ever experienced in my life, and for HOURS!!!
For the last 8 months and 2 days, since I found out I was pregnant, I have been thinking about what this will be like, but it was always something that was going to happen... later.
I know now how my body handles pregnancy. I know what our first child will be, and what her name is. I know what heartburn feels like and am so thrilled to know that it stops immediately. I know that just because I was once 100 pounds heavier it doesn't mean I'll gain the weight back. I know what it feels like to have a life move inside of me. I know what people mean when they say that "everyone has an opinion about your pregnancy" I know that one way more than I'd like. I know what it feels like to go past your due date and wonder "Is she ever going to come?"
I know all the pregnancy things, and now my time of being pregnant is over.
I don't know what my "delivery story" will be. I don't know how I'm going to handle not having an epidural. I don't know how long of a labor it will be. I don't know how much she'll weigh, or how long she is. I don't know what it will be like to see Matt hold her for the first time. The next part is a mystery that will be solved in the next 48 hours.
At some point in the next two days I will know my story, I will hold my daughter for the first time, I will watch my husband transform into a daddy.
In two days Sawyer Mae Halls will be here.  Matt and I created a life and that life will be out in the world in two days.
Now I'm going to try to sleep, because it ain't happening tomorrow.