Last night I had a small little dream about Baby girl.
The Dream:
Matt woke up before me, as he usually does. Every morning he'll wake up and lay on his back and look at his phone for a bit before getting out of bed. This morning was the same, but when I rolled over to look at him, he had Baby Girl laying on his chest. He had gotten up and gotten the baby and brought her back to bed with him. I turned over and she was looking at me, and when I looked at her she got a big smile on her face and I said, "Oh HI Baby Girl"
That was it. I feel like this was a glimpse into our future and I am so excited for those mornings. The complete happiness I feel when I think about that dream and our baby is something I've never experienced before.
It amazes me that there are levels of complete happiness. You can be the happiest you've ever been and then something else comes along that makes you even happier. These are the things that make life amazing. Exceeding happiness! Exceeding Joy.
Can't wait to meet you Baby Girl.
I read this poem on pinterest yesterday and I HAVE to share it, it's so perfect for my life right now:
I AM NOT ALONE
Running errands and talking on the phone,
I am pleasantly reminded that I am not alone.
Little tiny hands, a precious rounded knee
pushing and twisting that no one can see.
Oh sweet child kicking up your heels,
it is our little secret that only I can feel.
I look forward to your birth,
when I can kiss your skin,
but for now I will just smile,
As I feel you play within.
aaaaaaand tears... again.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Monday, May 18, 2015
My Little Pesh
So many things!!!
This last week, from Mother's Day until our anniversary yesterday have been RIPE with feels.
The night before Mother's Day Matt and I were laying in bed feeling our little nugget moving like crazy. It was the most movement we have ever felt and I was just saying what a perfect lead into Mother's Day it was.
We started talking about what a privilege it is to be parents. I've seen that "Mom" music video a few times. The Garth Brooks song about a little child up in heaven so afraid to go down to earth. Heavenly Father is telling the child, "Don't worry, there is someone down there waiting for you who will take care of you. I'm giving you to someone who's sole purpose is to make sure that you are warm and loved and happy." and so on. That song gets me so emotional to think that I have been chosen to be a mom to someone. That mantle is on my shoulders and soon I will have a little life here who it's my job to love and snuggle and hold when they are scared, wipe their tears when they are sad. It's an incredibly humbling thought and I just feel honored.
As we were talking the baby stopped moving and Matt said, "It can hear you, you calmed it down." and I felt like a Mom. The tears flow every time I think about that.
Last night we found out that our baby is a girl. I was NOT expecting that and I was immediately scared. There are so many different kinds of girl. I was very sensitive and emotional. I was very insecure and uncomfortable in my skin. I am so scared that my daughter will go through what I went through and that I will KNOW how she feels. It was hard enough going through it myself, but watching my daughter experience it is too much to handle.
I was talking to a co-worker about that this morning and she said, "Do not thrust your issues onto your child. They will have stuggles and issues of their own, it's your job to love them and support them and let them know that no matter what you are there for them. Don't give them issues just because you had them" It was glorious advice. Matt also told me "If our daughter does have similar struggles, there will be no one who can empathize better with her than you."
Very calming thoughts.
When I was a little girl, my dad called me Precious, which turned to peshous, which ended up being Pesh. He called me that for so long and I loved it. As soon as I found out I was having a little girl, she became my little pesh. (Again the tears flow)
To my Little Pesh:
I am so honored to be your mother. I can't wait to meet you and see the person you become. I can't wait to see what traits of mine you have and what you get from your Daddy. I know you'll be sassy, I know you'll be sarcastic, I know you'll give me a run for my money, but I know all of the smiles for the rest of my life will in some way have to do with you.
I was singing in church yesterday and you started moving around. I didn't want to stop because I felt a connection with you in that moment, but I had to stop because I started to cry. I can't wait to sing to you and with you. Of all the singing I have ever done, singing to you will be the most important gig of my life, and the one I am THE MOST excited about.
I promise to love you. I promise to be on your side. I promise to hear you out. I promise that even if you think I'm being unreasonable that I love you and am trying to teach you how to be a strong and faithful woman. I promise I will have your Aunt Jennie teach me how to do hair. I promise I will make mistakes. I promise that we will fight, but the biggest and most important promise I can make to you is to tell you as my parents told me, There is NOTHING you could ever do that would make me stop loving you. I will make that promise to you every time we argue. Every time we get upset with each other. Every time you or I make a mistake. You will grow up hearing that, as I did. I promise to love you.
Love,
Momma.
This last week, from Mother's Day until our anniversary yesterday have been RIPE with feels.
The night before Mother's Day Matt and I were laying in bed feeling our little nugget moving like crazy. It was the most movement we have ever felt and I was just saying what a perfect lead into Mother's Day it was.
We started talking about what a privilege it is to be parents. I've seen that "Mom" music video a few times. The Garth Brooks song about a little child up in heaven so afraid to go down to earth. Heavenly Father is telling the child, "Don't worry, there is someone down there waiting for you who will take care of you. I'm giving you to someone who's sole purpose is to make sure that you are warm and loved and happy." and so on. That song gets me so emotional to think that I have been chosen to be a mom to someone. That mantle is on my shoulders and soon I will have a little life here who it's my job to love and snuggle and hold when they are scared, wipe their tears when they are sad. It's an incredibly humbling thought and I just feel honored.
As we were talking the baby stopped moving and Matt said, "It can hear you, you calmed it down." and I felt like a Mom. The tears flow every time I think about that.
Last night we found out that our baby is a girl. I was NOT expecting that and I was immediately scared. There are so many different kinds of girl. I was very sensitive and emotional. I was very insecure and uncomfortable in my skin. I am so scared that my daughter will go through what I went through and that I will KNOW how she feels. It was hard enough going through it myself, but watching my daughter experience it is too much to handle.
I was talking to a co-worker about that this morning and she said, "Do not thrust your issues onto your child. They will have stuggles and issues of their own, it's your job to love them and support them and let them know that no matter what you are there for them. Don't give them issues just because you had them" It was glorious advice. Matt also told me "If our daughter does have similar struggles, there will be no one who can empathize better with her than you."
Very calming thoughts.
When I was a little girl, my dad called me Precious, which turned to peshous, which ended up being Pesh. He called me that for so long and I loved it. As soon as I found out I was having a little girl, she became my little pesh. (Again the tears flow)
To my Little Pesh:
I am so honored to be your mother. I can't wait to meet you and see the person you become. I can't wait to see what traits of mine you have and what you get from your Daddy. I know you'll be sassy, I know you'll be sarcastic, I know you'll give me a run for my money, but I know all of the smiles for the rest of my life will in some way have to do with you.
I was singing in church yesterday and you started moving around. I didn't want to stop because I felt a connection with you in that moment, but I had to stop because I started to cry. I can't wait to sing to you and with you. Of all the singing I have ever done, singing to you will be the most important gig of my life, and the one I am THE MOST excited about.
I promise to love you. I promise to be on your side. I promise to hear you out. I promise that even if you think I'm being unreasonable that I love you and am trying to teach you how to be a strong and faithful woman. I promise I will have your Aunt Jennie teach me how to do hair. I promise I will make mistakes. I promise that we will fight, but the biggest and most important promise I can make to you is to tell you as my parents told me, There is NOTHING you could ever do that would make me stop loving you. I will make that promise to you every time we argue. Every time we get upset with each other. Every time you or I make a mistake. You will grow up hearing that, as I did. I promise to love you.
Love,
Momma.
Monday, May 11, 2015
Babymoon!!!
This past week Matt and I went on a little babymoon. I sat him down a few months ago and I told him I thought it was important for us to go on vacation just us before I'm too big to enjoy it and before we have kids to worry about.
We planned a cruise to the Western Carribbean and this week we did it.
Saturday night we were packing for the trip, I had checked in earlier that day. At about 10 PM I got an email from the cruise-line saying they needed a form (attached in the email) filled out by my doctor and submitted to them no later than 14 days prior to the cruise or we won't be allowed on and we won't get our money back. My blood was boiling. It was 10 at night 2 days before the cruise and this was the first I was hearing about this. Our flight left at 5:10 the next morning. I emailed my sister-in-law who works at my doctor's office and she forwarded the form on to him. Thankfully he got it to me early on Sunday.
We stayed with my cousin Amber and her family in Houston Sunday night. She was so gracious and had dinner for us. My other cousins Carrie and Tyler came to dinner and my Uncle Craig showed up a little late. So good to see family.
Monday:
We took a shuttle to the port. I had the form filled out and my guns blazing. I was ready for a fight and I was NOT going to back down. We got to the front of the line and I handed the lady the form and said, "Listen! This was sent to me Saturday night but I was told it needed to be submitted 14 days in advance..." She took the form and said, "Oh great, you have it, one minute" walked away, came back and said, "You're good to go" and finished checking us in. I was almost disappointed, I had a whole speech worked up.
We got on the ship, did our safety meeting and grabbed the first of MANY meals and ice cream cones. We were in the 8:15 dinner group and were seated at a table of 3 other couples, all around our age. I will say that we loved our table and got along with everyone really well, but I have to admit that we never learned their names. If you don't ask in the beginning it's just awkward to ask later.
The couple that sat directly across from us we did get to know and got along with them really well.
That night we went played some bingo (lost) went to a comedy show and then to bed.
Tuesday: Day at Sea
We woke up around 10 (it's so dark in those rooms and that boat just rocked us to sleep) got some breakfast and found some nice chairs to lay on. We laid out for about an hour and a half and figured it was a good time for lunch. We had both put sunscreen on, but didn't feel like we were getting any color so when we went back out didn't re-apply. I laid out for another hour or so and decided to head in, Matt wanted to stay a bit longer. I went into our room and took a nap (such a busy day) and matt came in probably another hour and a half later. Dude was FRIED!!! His back was a SOLID red, poor guy. We spent the rest of the day inside. We knew we had an early morning so after dinner we just went to bed.
Wednesday: Cozumel
Matt and I didn't book any excursions ahead of time because I knew that once you are off the ship they are a lot cheaper to book. That is, if you are AT ALL good at bartering, which we quickly learned, we are not. We found an excursion for a kayak and snorkling tour. We paid for it and when they asked if we were in good health we said, yes then I said, "I am pregnant though" and they wouldn't let us go. I am not sure if the water would be too rocky for the kayak or if the snorkling would be dangerous, but they said it was too big of a risk and reimbursed us.
We ended up going to a resort, swimming at the pool and beach there, and eating lunch in the shade. It was really fun, but I felt like Matt kind of got hosed. He did snorkle around a bit there and the lunch we had was delicious.
We got back to the ship around 3:30 showered and got cleaned up, got some pizza and ice cream then lounged before dinner. (Pizza is a good mid afternoon snack on a cruise, not so much a meal)
Same deal that night, we just went to bed after dinner.
Thursday: Yucatan
Again we didn't book an excursion but we found a good deal to go to these Mayan Ruins in a place called Dzibulchiltan or something like that. We never learned how to pronounce it. We took a taxi out and they waited for us there. We didn't pay for a tour, but kind of latched on to the one in front of us. It was really cool to look around. Since we weren't a part of the tour we didn't hear a lot of the history but it was so neat to see the structures and imagine life there. It was also SO HOT. Which made it hard to want to walk around. They had a little swimming pond there that we went to. It was an oasis in this place. It was so beautiful and the water felt amazing. they had these little fish that would nibble the dead skin off your feet. Apparently they use these fish in a lot of Asian countries as pedicures. You put your feet in a bucket with like 100 of them and they just nibble at your feet. It tickled like crazy.
After the ruins we decided to go to the beach. There is one beach in Yucatan and it's not much to see. It was very windy and the water was very choppy so we just ate lunch at this little beach side restaurant (terrible service and even worse food) and then we walked around and shopped a bit.
At dinner every night the servers do a little show. They'll just sing a song all together or dance or something. When I knew the show was about to start I got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back I see my table all laughing but Matt wasn't there, because he was up dancing with the servers. When our table saw me coming they laughed even harder. Poor Matt got picked on because he was all alone. He was a good sport though and was hilarious about it.
That night we planned to do something fun, but were too tired so we just ended up going to bed.
Friday: Day at Sea
By Friday Matt's back was feeling better so we decided to lay out a bit again. It was SO hot that I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it for long. As we were laying out a man came out and did some ice carving. He carved a perfect dolphin in about 30 minutes with nothing but chisels. It was so cool to watch. What a talent. After that we came inside and played some cards. Went to play bingo for the $5000 jackpot, lost again then got ready for dinner.
We really enjoyed our table. We may not have learned their names, but we all had a really good time. One of the couples got engaged that week and I was SO excited for them.
After dinner we got all our stuff packed up and set out so we didn't have to deal with them in the morning. We went to another comedy show and went to bed.
Saturday: Home
Saturday we got off the ship around 10:30. I have a friend, Abby Hess, who lives in Galveston (which I had totally forgotten) she was so sweet and met us at the port just so we could have a quick hug and say hi. We only got to chat for a minute before we had to catch the shuttle to the airport, but it was so great to see her.
Our flight was at about 3:30 which got us into AZ around 4:30. Matt's parents picked us up from the airport and we went to dinner with them. All night I felt like I was rocking and it was making me so sick. I think it's so interesting that on the ship I'm fine, because I expect to be rocking, but when you're home on solid ground and still feel that way... ugh I felt so gross all night.
We had such a wonderful trip. I am so glad we did this together, and I think we will always be glad we went on this one last trip as just a family of two. I sure love my husband. I love spending every minute with him and it always stinks to come back to work and be apart, but I'm so glad we had this time.
Babymoons are the way to go.
We planned a cruise to the Western Carribbean and this week we did it.
Saturday night we were packing for the trip, I had checked in earlier that day. At about 10 PM I got an email from the cruise-line saying they needed a form (attached in the email) filled out by my doctor and submitted to them no later than 14 days prior to the cruise or we won't be allowed on and we won't get our money back. My blood was boiling. It was 10 at night 2 days before the cruise and this was the first I was hearing about this. Our flight left at 5:10 the next morning. I emailed my sister-in-law who works at my doctor's office and she forwarded the form on to him. Thankfully he got it to me early on Sunday.
We stayed with my cousin Amber and her family in Houston Sunday night. She was so gracious and had dinner for us. My other cousins Carrie and Tyler came to dinner and my Uncle Craig showed up a little late. So good to see family.
Monday:
We took a shuttle to the port. I had the form filled out and my guns blazing. I was ready for a fight and I was NOT going to back down. We got to the front of the line and I handed the lady the form and said, "Listen! This was sent to me Saturday night but I was told it needed to be submitted 14 days in advance..." She took the form and said, "Oh great, you have it, one minute" walked away, came back and said, "You're good to go" and finished checking us in. I was almost disappointed, I had a whole speech worked up.
We got on the ship, did our safety meeting and grabbed the first of MANY meals and ice cream cones. We were in the 8:15 dinner group and were seated at a table of 3 other couples, all around our age. I will say that we loved our table and got along with everyone really well, but I have to admit that we never learned their names. If you don't ask in the beginning it's just awkward to ask later.
The couple that sat directly across from us we did get to know and got along with them really well.
That night we went played some bingo (lost) went to a comedy show and then to bed.
Tuesday: Day at Sea
We woke up around 10 (it's so dark in those rooms and that boat just rocked us to sleep) got some breakfast and found some nice chairs to lay on. We laid out for about an hour and a half and figured it was a good time for lunch. We had both put sunscreen on, but didn't feel like we were getting any color so when we went back out didn't re-apply. I laid out for another hour or so and decided to head in, Matt wanted to stay a bit longer. I went into our room and took a nap (such a busy day) and matt came in probably another hour and a half later. Dude was FRIED!!! His back was a SOLID red, poor guy. We spent the rest of the day inside. We knew we had an early morning so after dinner we just went to bed.
Wednesday: Cozumel
Matt and I didn't book any excursions ahead of time because I knew that once you are off the ship they are a lot cheaper to book. That is, if you are AT ALL good at bartering, which we quickly learned, we are not. We found an excursion for a kayak and snorkling tour. We paid for it and when they asked if we were in good health we said, yes then I said, "I am pregnant though" and they wouldn't let us go. I am not sure if the water would be too rocky for the kayak or if the snorkling would be dangerous, but they said it was too big of a risk and reimbursed us.
We ended up going to a resort, swimming at the pool and beach there, and eating lunch in the shade. It was really fun, but I felt like Matt kind of got hosed. He did snorkle around a bit there and the lunch we had was delicious.
We got back to the ship around 3:30 showered and got cleaned up, got some pizza and ice cream then lounged before dinner. (Pizza is a good mid afternoon snack on a cruise, not so much a meal)
Same deal that night, we just went to bed after dinner.
Thursday: Yucatan
Again we didn't book an excursion but we found a good deal to go to these Mayan Ruins in a place called Dzibulchiltan or something like that. We never learned how to pronounce it. We took a taxi out and they waited for us there. We didn't pay for a tour, but kind of latched on to the one in front of us. It was really cool to look around. Since we weren't a part of the tour we didn't hear a lot of the history but it was so neat to see the structures and imagine life there. It was also SO HOT. Which made it hard to want to walk around. They had a little swimming pond there that we went to. It was an oasis in this place. It was so beautiful and the water felt amazing. they had these little fish that would nibble the dead skin off your feet. Apparently they use these fish in a lot of Asian countries as pedicures. You put your feet in a bucket with like 100 of them and they just nibble at your feet. It tickled like crazy.
After the ruins we decided to go to the beach. There is one beach in Yucatan and it's not much to see. It was very windy and the water was very choppy so we just ate lunch at this little beach side restaurant (terrible service and even worse food) and then we walked around and shopped a bit.
At dinner every night the servers do a little show. They'll just sing a song all together or dance or something. When I knew the show was about to start I got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back I see my table all laughing but Matt wasn't there, because he was up dancing with the servers. When our table saw me coming they laughed even harder. Poor Matt got picked on because he was all alone. He was a good sport though and was hilarious about it.
That night we planned to do something fun, but were too tired so we just ended up going to bed.
Friday: Day at Sea
By Friday Matt's back was feeling better so we decided to lay out a bit again. It was SO hot that I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it for long. As we were laying out a man came out and did some ice carving. He carved a perfect dolphin in about 30 minutes with nothing but chisels. It was so cool to watch. What a talent. After that we came inside and played some cards. Went to play bingo for the $5000 jackpot, lost again then got ready for dinner.
We really enjoyed our table. We may not have learned their names, but we all had a really good time. One of the couples got engaged that week and I was SO excited for them.
After dinner we got all our stuff packed up and set out so we didn't have to deal with them in the morning. We went to another comedy show and went to bed.
Saturday: Home
Saturday we got off the ship around 10:30. I have a friend, Abby Hess, who lives in Galveston (which I had totally forgotten) she was so sweet and met us at the port just so we could have a quick hug and say hi. We only got to chat for a minute before we had to catch the shuttle to the airport, but it was so great to see her.
Our flight was at about 3:30 which got us into AZ around 4:30. Matt's parents picked us up from the airport and we went to dinner with them. All night I felt like I was rocking and it was making me so sick. I think it's so interesting that on the ship I'm fine, because I expect to be rocking, but when you're home on solid ground and still feel that way... ugh I felt so gross all night.
We had such a wonderful trip. I am so glad we did this together, and I think we will always be glad we went on this one last trip as just a family of two. I sure love my husband. I love spending every minute with him and it always stinks to come back to work and be apart, but I'm so glad we had this time.
Babymoons are the way to go.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)