It's The Little Things

Last Sunday I was putting Sawyer down for a nap. I had a bottle in one hand and I was browsing through my phone in the other hand. Sawyer was looking up and me and she took her hand and reached down and pushed the hand with my phone down, like, "Focus, Mom!" I laughed about it and went on with my day.
Tonight I was putting Sawyer to bed and it was the same scene, only this time she reached down and grabbed my thumb. I immediately dropped my phone and spent the rest of the time examining her face as she fell asleep holding my hand.
I love those moments. When it's just her and me. She's falling asleep in my arms, the safest place she could be. We sit there in the dark and listen to the ocean waves coming from her sleep sheep, and in that moment, everything is absolute perfection.
As I was looking at her I was thinking of a poem I heard once that talks about how you never know when the last time will be the last time. We've already experienced some lasts. She used to make this face all the time that we called Sawyer Face that she doesn't make anymore. She used to finish eating and streeeeetch and she doesn't do that anymore. I know I have many more nights ahead just like tonight, but before I know it, there will be a last time. Tonight nothing else existed but her and me.

The Last Time

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,

you will never be the same.

You might long for the person you were before,

When you had freedom and time,

And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,

And days will run into days that are exactly the same,

Full of feeding and burping,

Whining and fighting,

Naps, or lack of naps. It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don't forget...

There is a last time for everything.

There will come a time when you will feed your baby

for the very last time.

They will fall asleep on you after a long day

And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child

One day you will carry them on your hip,

then set them down,

And never pick them up that way again.

You will scrub their hair in the bath one night

And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.

They will hold your hand to cross the road,

The never reach for it again.

They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,

And it will be the last night you ever wake for this.

One afternoon you will sing 'the wheels on the bus'

and do all the actions,

Then you'll never sing that song again.

They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,

the next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.

You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your

last dirty face.

They will one day run to you with arms raised,

for the very last time.

The thing is, you won't even know it's the last time

until there are no more times, and even then,

it will take you a while to realise.

So while you are living in these times,

remember there are only so many of them and

when they are gone,

you will yearn for just one more day of them

For one last time.

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