Moments of panic

So, last night, for only the second time since I got pregnant, I had a bit of a panic.
I don't know if I talked about the first time it happened, but I just had this flash in my mind of me sitting on the couch holding the baby, all alone. Matt was back to work and the novelty of everyone wanting to come and visit had worn off, and I was just there alone with my baby. Still the idea of that freaks me out. I know a lot of it comes naturally and this is something every first time mother has to go through, but every once in a while it scares me to think that I'm going to have a life to take care of.

Last night I was laying in bed, Matt was getting ready for bed and I was just sitting there watching the movements of my belly. I looked up on our dresser and saw a random assortment of things; a water bottle, my prenatal pills, Matt's keys, and the thought came to me, "What will be up there when we have a baby? A bottle? A binky..."  and I just started to internally freak out a little bit.

I had a slow morning at work yesterday and figured out that, I have 84 more days until I take maternity leave, and only 59 work days. This baby is coming. My due date is 12 and a half weeks out.

As Matt was getting ready last night I remembered a conversation Jennie and I had when she was pregnant with Jace, her oldest, though she hadn't announced she was pregnant yet, so I didn't know. She was telling me that she the idea of having a kid made her a little sad because it wouldn't just be her and Brock anymore. Someone else was going to take focus off her husband and that was hard to wrap her head around. Jace is almost 10, and has 3 younger siblings now, and I know for certain she is so happy with their family. Still, I found myself thinking those same things last night. Soon, it won't just be us. Soon, when he is getting ready for bed I may be feeding the baby or singing her to sleep. He may be downstairs doing dishes or something while I am upstairs tidying up the nursery.
I think about this stuff and it makes me miss Matt.

I am so excited to meet this little girl, but this is going to change our lives. Change can be a most wonderful thing, but before it's wonderful, it's scary.