My Little Pesh

So many things!!!
This last week, from Mother's Day until our anniversary yesterday have been RIPE with feels.
The night before Mother's Day Matt and I were laying in bed feeling our little nugget moving like crazy. It was the most movement we have ever felt and I was just saying what a perfect lead into Mother's Day it was.
We started talking about what a privilege it is to be parents. I've seen that "Mom" music video a few times. The Garth Brooks song about a little child up in heaven so afraid to go down to earth. Heavenly Father is telling the child, "Don't worry, there is someone down there waiting for you who will take care of you. I'm giving you to someone who's sole purpose is to make sure that you are warm and loved and happy." and so on. That song gets me so emotional to think that I have been chosen to be a mom to someone. That mantle is on my shoulders and soon I will have a little life here who it's my job to love and snuggle and hold when they are scared, wipe their tears when they are sad. It's an incredibly humbling thought and I just feel honored.
As we were talking the baby stopped moving and Matt said, "It can hear you, you calmed it down." and I felt like a Mom. The tears flow every time I think about that.

Last night we found out that our baby is a girl. I was NOT expecting that and I was immediately scared. There are so many different kinds of girl. I was very sensitive and emotional. I was very insecure and uncomfortable in my skin. I am so scared that my daughter will go through what I went through and that I will KNOW how she feels. It was hard enough going through it myself, but watching my daughter experience it is too much to handle.
I was talking to a co-worker about that this morning and she said, "Do not thrust your issues onto your child. They will have stuggles and issues of their own, it's your job to love them and support them and let them know that no matter what you are there for them. Don't give them issues just because you had them" It was glorious advice. Matt also told me "If our daughter does have similar struggles, there will be no one who can empathize better with her than you."
Very calming thoughts.

When I was a little girl, my dad called me Precious, which turned to peshous, which ended up being Pesh. He called me that for so long and I loved it. As soon as I found out I was having a little girl, she became my little pesh. (Again the tears flow)

To my Little Pesh:

I am so honored to be your mother. I can't wait to meet you and see the person you become. I can't wait to see what traits of mine you have and what you get from your Daddy. I know you'll be sassy, I know you'll be sarcastic, I know you'll give me a run for my money, but I know all of the smiles for the rest of my life will in some way have to do with you.

I was singing in church yesterday and you started moving around. I didn't want to stop because I felt a connection with you in that moment, but I had to stop because I started to cry. I can't wait to sing to you and with you. Of all the singing I have ever done, singing to you will be the most important gig of my life, and the one I am THE MOST excited about.

I promise to love you. I promise to be on your side. I promise to hear you out. I promise that even if you think I'm being unreasonable that I love you and am trying to teach you how to be a strong and faithful woman. I promise I will have your Aunt Jennie teach me how to do hair. I promise I will make mistakes. I promise that we will fight, but the biggest and most important promise I can make to you is to tell you as my parents told me, There is NOTHING you could ever do that would make me stop loving you. I will make that promise to you every time we argue. Every time we get upset with each other. Every time you or I make a mistake. You will grow up hearing that, as I did. I promise to love you.

Love,
Momma.