Here's the thing, I can feel what is normal and rational and what is brought on by hormones. Usually if it's "that time of the month" I just keep my mouth shut because I KNOW that any annoyances are not real issues and that I will overreact and then regret it.
Pregnancy is a different ball game. I feel like I've been pretty good, hormonally, during the last 5 months, but the past few days... I have had a RUSH of emotion. I'm the type that writes therapeutically so here it goes.
The past week, I have been so tired, and not able to sleep well. Matt is SO busy and stressed at work and I want to make home a haven for him, but I'm so tired. I'm ok during the day while I'm at work, but I get home and sit on the couch and think, "Wow, I could fall asleep right now for the rest of the night"
Yesterday was rough. I had planned to make this soup that Matt loves (his momma's recipe). I got home and first had to bake the potatoes for an hour and then let them cool completely before I could really do much else. By the time Matt got home they were cooling. I wanted dinner to be ready and it wasn't even close. He had a particularly hard day and instead of being able to chill out and let the day fade away, he helped me make dinner (I'm crying, freaking hormones). I felt so bad and apologized and he just said, "You don't have to apologize, I like helping you" (He's the stinkin best) Even so, I was in a bummer mood because of it, which in no way would make his day better.
Last night was a particularly hard night on me. I felt really sick and was up at 4 in the morning and never able to go back to sleep. Baby girl was moving more than ever and as much as I love to feel her move, last night I just wanted to tell her to stop it! Just for like 10 minutes so I could fall asleep. My back was aching and I could not get comfortable. I'm sure my inner turmoil was making her uncomfy too and that's why she was moving so much, so it was just cyclicle. My discomfort made her uncomfortable, she'd adjust which would make me uncomfortable.
That brings us to today. I am extra tired, I don't feel well and I know when the work day is over I'm just going to want to go home and veg. After the day Matt had yesterday I want today to be better. I want to make it better. I don't want him to have to come home and take care of me. Of course he would, and he would never complain about it, but I don't want to do that to him. (Crying some more)
I'm sure Matt would read this and chuckle thinking, "This is so not a big deal, I can make myself a sandwich and be perfectly fine." but I want to make it for him... (I'm laughing now that I'm crying about this)
It boils down to this. I want to be the pregnant woman that looks cute, has dinner on the table and the house clean when hubby comes home from work. Turns out, I'm not really that girl when I'm not pregnant so add tiredness and not feeling well to it, I don't know why my expectations of myself are so high. Alas, they are and knowing I'm going to go home tonight, get in pj pants and a giant t-shirt, and will probably be sitting on the couch eating an otterpop when Matt walks through the door is making me cry.
4 more months, and methinks this is just the beginning.
Love you Matt!
